My NFL Quarterback Rankings

Thought I'd do this for a giggle or two... Not the most accurate of assessments, but I think pretty fun nonetheless. Hope you guys enjoy. Please disregard the "change" column... I had some old ones I did as well.

 

			BEST QUARTERBACKS IN THE NFL
	QB	TEAM	WHY	CHANGE
1	Aaron Rodgers	GB	Aaron Rodgers finished with a solid 120+ QB rating, eclipsing Brady's mark from 2007. He remains the top QB in the league; 45 TD's and 6 INT's is ridiculous.	0
2	Tom Brady	NE	While this analyst did have trouble deciding if Brees should eclipse Brady for 2nd place, he decided against it. Without Brady this team would be 4-12 with its beyond terrible defense. Brees' offensive weapons are also better.	0
3	Drew Brees	NO	Congrats to first class Drew Brees for beating Marino's record; he tweeted right away that he was humbled that Marino congratulated him. Class act, and at this point runs the deadliest offense in the league.	0
4	Eli Manning	NYG	I know, I can't believe I put him here either.	+3
5	Ben Roethlisberger	PIT	I refuse to put this half crippled rapist ogre troll in my top 4; needs to throw for more yards and TD's and stop winning games with 150 yards passing 0 TD's and 1 INT.	0
6	Matt Ryan	ATL	Now Matt Ryan fights his achilles heel: playing better than Rex Grossman in the playoffs.	-2
7	Matthew Stafford	DET	Matthew Stafford has shown what kind of quarterback he can be when he's not busy breaking his ribs, arms, legs, ankles, wrists, jaws, shoulders, back, neck, etc. Let's see if he can keep it up in his first playoff appearance.	+2
8	Phillip Rivers	SD	Turned it on too little, too late. This analyst had hopes for him next year until he heard that Norv Turner would be returning as head coach. How many more 8-8 seasons do they need until he gets fired?	0
9	Tony Romo	DAL	Word of advice Tony: stop running draws out of the shotgun. Has the situational awareness of a new born chimpanzee. I half expected him to fling poop at other players on Sunday.	-3
10	Joe Flacco	BAL	Joe Flacco is the only question mark on the Ravens. He's going to have to find consistency in the playoffs if they want to make a run. Will he? Probably not.	+2
11	Cam Newton	CAR	Cam Newton finished strong on a bad team; his future looks bright. Now, the trick will be staying out of jail. Can he do it? You be the judge.	0
12	Andy Dalton	CIN	Although ugly and a red head, Andy Dalton has overcome those disabilities to play effectively at his position. His ugly ginger parents must be so proud!	+1
13	Michael Vick	PHI	Would be rated lower, but this year's QB class is more shallow than Kim Kardashian. Should consider cock-fighting in Mexico in the offseason. You can't go to jail for that there. I think. He can take Kim Kardashian with him.	NA
14	Alex Smith	SF	Smith's smart play has been getting him compared to solid QB Ben Roethliesberger. Oh wait…	+6
15	TJ Yates	HOU	Although having a seperated shoulder, one look at Jake Delhomme was all the coach needed to make his decision: if TJ Yates was a corpse with a blown off head, he'd still be more effective than Delhomme.	+10
16	Kyle Orton	KC	Picked up his game in KC and beat his old Broncos team. Out dueled his young apprentice Tim Tebow in an epic battle similar to Obi-Wan fighting a retarded midget version of Anakin who spoke about the force but never used it.	NA
17	Matt Hasselbeck	TEN	Averaged an amazing 100 yards with no touchdowns in his last few games of the season. This hall of fame inductee should quit while he's ahead. He's also going bald. (I was joking about him being a hall of famer).	-5
18	Carson Palmer	OAK	Was Carson Palmer really the answer to Oakland's quarterback woes? He was when you see the play of legacy backup Kyle Boller. Team needs new QB.	-2
19	Matt Moore	MIA	Pleasant surprise towards the end of the year; helped team finished last 7 games 5-2. Is he the answer at Miami's quarterback problems? Was Chad Pennington?	+8
20	John Skelton	ARZ	Another career backup who helped the pain of patheticness vanish in Arizona every now and then. It's safe to say he's not a first round fantasy pick next year.	+4
21	Ryan Fitzpatrick	BUF	Not the brightest guy; realized after last embarassing loss to the Pats he couldn't see past his ahmish beard. This is what Zach Galifinakis would look like if he played football. You shaved a little too late Fitzy.	-7
22	Mark Sanchez	NYJ	Played a terrible last 4 games of the season. Does anybody like this guy? Rumors are he asked Tebow, Ponder, and Gabbert if he could work out with them, and they said no. Sorry Mark, there's always Donovan McNabb.	-3
23	Tavaris Jackson	SEA	Just plain out bad, needs to go commit a crime soon as well. His spotless criminal record is making the black players in the league look inconsistent.	+3
24	Blaine Gabbert	JAC	Really tapered off toward the end of the season; should consider working out with Tebow and Ponder in the offseason.	+4
25	Christian Ponder	MIN	Be it the leaky O-line or the lack of Petersen; Ponder played some Tebow-esque football towards the end of the season. Rumors are he'll be working out with Tebow in the offseason.	-3
26	Colt McCoy	CLE	Delved into new levels of suck towards the end of the season; is he the answer? Is Taco Bell the answer to make you feel better when you already have diarrhea?	-5
27	Josh Freeman	TB	A huge season shitfest helped propel Freeman to the bowels of the rankings. Looked absolutely lost and terrible in last 8 games of the year. Is not the answer at quarterback. Amateur Canadian prospect Nick Kastelic may be called up.	-12
28	Caleb Hainie	CHI	Who is Caleb Hainie? Why is the sky blue? Why does shit smell bad? We may never know the answers to these questions.	+1
29	Rex Grossman	WAS	Rex Grossman has taught us one thing: It's not hard to move up in QB rankings when the league is plagued by inujries and legacy backups. This team needs a change. Call up Matt Kastelic.	+2
30	Tim Tebow	DEN	"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" - Matthew 6:24. He is who we thought he was. Godspeed against the rapist next Sunday, Tim, Godspeed.	-7
31	Dan Orlovsky	IND	Almost blew the first overall pick, but found his loser groove again in the nick of time. Is valuable to any team that wants the first overall pick next year. Will be a sought after commodity in the offseason.	NA
32	AJ Feely	STL	Was a great on field leader trying to go after that first overall pick admirably. No matter how hard RB Steven Jackson tried to win, AJ Feely would say "I'll see your running touchdown and raise you two INT's." Great leader.	NA